Doodle Bug (minikin) wrote,
Doodle Bug

On preferring calm

I used to be an adrenaline junky. Okay, I played with other natural substances too. I seriously believe that I managed to screw up my personal endorphin delivery system by flooding my brain with far too much of it, far too often. I only have to take one prescription SSRI, and it tends to keep me on an even keel. But I get to be extra careful with stuff that messes with the brain. Alcohol, caffeine, pain (and the lovely natural response to it), ditto for sex, and sigh, even roller coasters. And I'm supposed to get more exercise.

I’m working my way back to normal human being level of consumption for various of these pleasures. I can drink one serving of red wine without getting a migraine. Maybe two servings of distilled spirits. But that’s okay; my tolerance is way down, so now I’m a cheap drunk. It’s funny how quickly one can forget how good pain felt, but I am returning to the lovely burn in my muscles after a good swim or other physical workout. All the work I’ve done on riding out headaches instead of medicating seems to be carrying through to riding out pleasure as well. Spreading it out and away from the fragile grey matter.

But I could do without out stress hormones. I used to play with fear. Now I do what I can do avoid uncertainty and try to ride out the unknowns that I can’t answer.

But there’s no boxes left to prep and it’s only Tuesday. Tomorrow is going to be a “training” day. I pointed out to S that I’m not cross-trained on scanning, and she countered with “but You trained Me!?” Thus the quotes. When we got in the new software, we didn’t cross-train on all of it, cause they brought it in when we had hundreds of boxes in the pipeline. Hundreds of boxes that would need indexing. So I got to stay in my nice comfortable hole. Tomorrow I get to climb out and be all generally competent again. And hope for more boxes.


Looks like I’m going to be sleeping in again on Thursday.

This has been an entry for the home game edition of The Real LJ Idol writing competition: the Final Season, Topic 17 : "Scare Quotes"
Tags: home game, idol, stress, stupid brain, work

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