124 hours 5 minutes elapsed
4:02, 7:02, 7:30, 5:52, 4:48, 6:45, 4:10, 4:05, 5:34, 10:33, 7:12, 6:56, 5:18, 7:09, 8:21, 2:55, 3:12, 4:12, 4:09, 14:11 intervals.
14 hours 11 minutes. Too late to take a split dose; the ankle isn’t what hurts now anyway. Too late for the nausea — it won’t hurt to empty the waste bin before bed, though. Too late for water, but sips are in order. Late enough to try Excedrin. Protein & caffeine will help in the morning. Sleep would help. Maybe chocolate. One kiss.
Kisses on the forehead felt good. Quiet feels best, too late for dark. Too late for keys. Little pulsating backlit crystals of piercing pain. Good old-fashioned black on white, blue lines.
The journal is titled “Tears” and for years it’s lain empty. The truth is that when it’s really bad, the tears make focusing on pen and paper impossible. Even double spaced, grade school printing is beyond me.
Tears might help, but I’m already beyond the tears. The calm is there, in reach.
This is the last trial of the break that happened 111 days ago. Did I need the pain meds for this last surgery? Don’t know. Definitely not this long.
11:05 pm 14:17
Enough time invested now to stick to Aleve. After the Excedrin gets rid of the migraine. Until I’ve got my head back, it’s no alcohol, no opiates - okay none period unless I’m in “real” pain again, and opiates are never on tap for the migraines. Nothing to mess with the confused transmitters up there. Settle them down. Find calm.
There’s a certain zen place, a calm place, where pain is just another input. Square breathing. In. Out. Focused thoughts. The pain is there. Let it spread, attenuate, dissipate. Don’t let it pinpoint. Tense. Relax. Let the pain flow. Ebb. The release, the explosion that comes from focus and tension and building, that isn’t mine anymore. Pain is.
Keep calm and let the pain go. Flow, slow, oh. Let it wash away.
And bonus, journaling the sensation moderates it. Journaling about pain makes it an object to study rather than a torture to endure. Other sensations, emotions cause tears. I can explore these here as well.
This has been an entry for The Real LJ Idol writing competition: the Final Season, Topic 9 : Keep Calm and End This Meme.
Author’s note: 23 hours 21 minutes. The pain is gone, the walker is parked in the bedroom, and now there remains only the challenge of walking and laying the last bizarre dream to rest. Situation normal, brain holding steady.