Doodle Bug (minikin) wrote,
Doodle Bug

Feeling Down

Discouraged, disheartened, and just plain blah.

Yeah, I'm getting my car fixed, but that really means not having enough money to replace the car for at least another three months. Don't get me wrong, I like my car, but it gets kind of hard to come so close to replacing and then not, because of money.

I think I'm mostly down because of money. Flar's biggest client is (a) behind in paying his invoices and (b) not planning to extend the current contract, which I *think* is up in January. He just signed a contract which may turn out to be big in the long time, but is starting out small. He's got a client that's kind of old-reliable, but not big money. And he's got lots of little leads to try to track down. And there's that big deal that still has a chance of coming through.

I just get tired of being behind on paying bills because we don't have the moeny to pay them, and not knowing when the money will come in, and not seeing any break in the clouds. I get tired of that one big deal that never seems to come through. I get tired of juggling credit card bills and living on credit.

It's a time of year when I often feel perky and excited, thinking about some special suprise I have planned for someone. This year, I don't have any surprises planned, and I feel like we can't really afford to spend any money.

And then on top of thinking about that, because I was thinking about coming home and having to pay bills, I also somehow got onto the topic of thinking about Turnip, and how we haven't talked since the Friday that I was leaving for Jamaica, and how we don't really seem to even talk much anymore, and when we do, we don't have all that much to say, and well, I'm sad about it, but it's like it doesn't even hurt. Well, not exactly.

Just feeling down.

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