Your topic this week is "My Transformation".
Everyone has one. Some are big and earth shattering. Others are small but poignant. There are quite a few of you who are going though your own life transformations as we speak.
As always, have fun with the topic and make it your own.
I've been following spydielives's progress in LJIdol. I joined the community in order to vote, and I'm rooting for her. Her writing has been a joy to read lately, both for the contest, as well as her regular journal entries. Go vote.
The latest topic touched me, and the comment about "quite a few of you who are going through your own life transformations" struck home. So even though I'm not in the contest, I decided to write at least a little about what's going on in my life these days.
Last night, I updated my profile page to add just a little more detail about my recent journey at Quest. It's become a kind of micro-testimony, of the form you tell when there's truly no time to get into conversation. Accurate, complete, but devoid of detail.
I don't mean to fill out those details now, although at some point, I may take a shot at roughing up a pretty full version here as a journal entry. It turns out that the story telling gets tuned for each listener, and there are so many different themes on which to focus, that it becomes like having multiple stories. Which means there will eventually be many different journal entries in a series while I talk out loud as it were, fitting together the pithy summaries and observations that occasionally flit through my head.
Wordy much? See why I envy Spydie her writing skills. Me, I've finally learned out to stream out my thoughts onto the page as if talking -- it'll take years before I have the skill to combine the thoughts with a writing voice that improves the transfer process.
But on to the topic at hand.
We join the story in progress, picking up after figuring out that I needed to up all of my life to Christ, and become a wholehearted follower. After almost a year of growth that I'm just now turning around and looking and being able to see. Skip to Deb deciding to hand over to Christ her desire to lose all this excess weight; to see what God has in store for her in the Thin-Within food program. Coast down a bit, and skid to a landing at the beginning of this last week.
Saturday. I have signed up to be on the launch team for the new Saturday service., This involves (1) a six month commitment to attend the Saturday night service, and (2) a challenge to be bold and invite people to come experience the new service time, and move into the space we're making for more. Being on the launch team on Saturday meant getting to attend a sneak preview of what Saturday Church will be like. I was in tears before Pete even got started, from the drama and the story and the music and the images. The Pete sat down, wordless as if still gathering himself back from his tears, and then began to speak directly to us. Not giving us the message he had prepared for the next day, but encouraging us and challenging us and anointing us in the beginnings of a new service.
Sunday. I sat after the 11;55 service with L as he questioned and prayed and talked and finally put off again any invitation to Christ. He prayed prayers that had been gut wrenchingly hard for me to pray last year, about the very obstacle that that had been my stumbling blocks - surrounding all of my plans and even myself to Christ. So very very close, and still so far from simply asking Him in. The experience was truly awe inspiring, amazingly energizing, and yet so very draining. I couldn't sleep right away that night, even with my exhaustion - it had turned into pain. I ended up journaling for almost an hour as a pleading to God, a written prayer for His support in the exhaustion. And He swallowed me up in his big lap and held me and rocked me to sleep. i woke Monday refreshed and joyful.
A tiny piece of my transformation but a very important one.
I'm learning how to depend on God. How to be that very very needy clingy person that was all wrong when I was pointed at mere people, but the very sweet child of God that I am when I learn to depend on Him instead of myself. This week has been an exciting time of both seeing how God has been working in lives of people of all around me, and even experiencing in myself that powerful force for change.
Wednesday night was a baptism service at our church, which meant time enough to hear the moderate length version of eight peoples' stories. They told of very different paths to Christ, and they told about the changes they had seen within themselves. I heard my own story in pieces refracted from theirs, and was struck again by the intensity of that one transforming day. And struck by the transformation going on inside me now.
I've spent more time in prayer this week that I can ever remember; I've felt the comfort of depending on a rock solid God, and I've seen how easily I can get off track when I pull back into I'm my boss mode. I forgot to sleep Thursday night. That's got to be a more special kind of dumb than forgetting to eat. And I'm just so excited to see what more is in store.
I started writing this with an idea of being about to spill it all out and now I see only a shadow of what I was feeling in the idea of it. I'm up late and babbling, but I just wanted to get some of these thoughts down here, before I got to bed and praise Him and sleep.
Happy Easter weekend everyone! And for everyone that I haven't managed to see or call in person to invite, please join me at the first Saturday service at Quest, at 5:55pm today, or meet me at the church on Sunday before or after the 8:30 service (outside Kidsquest Jr), or at the church block party, from 7-10.