Today is your day, choose, ask, and I will give it to you.
For a day, for an hour, for a moment. Mine. I never knew what to ask. Now seven years past. Even knowing the question would come, I had no proper answer. Best I could ask: to serve.
Today, no longer in service. No longer a part of each other, except for that part of each of our souls that could no more be returned or destroyed than the starlight from heaven could dim and disappear.
He could. He could call down the starlight from above and use it to fill me with power. His touch, just a glance in my direction. Power, joy, energy. Light. Life.
It took heartbreak and despair to recognize the power. Oh, I had clues, I talked about worship and almost grasped the concept when I spoke with him about it. So very long ago. It got lost, that hint of truth, in everyday blurrings. Lywynysywyaaf. He brought me worship, filled me with it, and I lost sight of what it was.
I recognized it in church. Breathless, dizzy, having given up the ability to control, hanging on and listening, singing, but mostly - recognizing the power that was filling me and thankful to have found it again. I can touch it when I'm praying, when I'm reading, when I'm eating, swimming, working, dancing, singing, listening, sleeping. Just there to touch. God. Living within.
So today is my day, and I choose. I have goals, but I have no worry about completing them. Writing seems to draw me first, so I start there.
I'm deliberately ignoring my diet, no matter that I finally lost the water weight I regained last Sunday during Renfest. Leftover butter cream frosting; oatmeal raisin cookies. More caffeine than is healthy for me. This, after eating a satisfying omelet filled with all manner of good for me chewables.
I started the day with church, recharging, filling, listening. Open to His voice. Filled with thankfulness for His love. Happy.
I set aside this day to be sad, but I can't find the sad. Don't miss it. I shall burn candles, I shall browse pictures, I shall pick out words to remember and journal here. I shall put away those things important to save and remember. I shall write of what I want to share, create a gallery to keep the images I want to remember and share. I shall create beauty, I may even cry a little bit around the edges.
And, I will be with family or be alone. I will write for me alone and to share with others.
I shall recognize the passing of the years.