This will have to be short, as I've some must-dos today, and wanna hoard time to give Knightaudit.
Been very happy lately.
Got hit by unexpected tears yesterday though, and some kind of analogous ooooooh this morning.
Yesterday's tears were triggered by the word "important." There was a time when I was being sad and uncertain of my place. When Wolf insisted, contrary to my rational mind's observations of behavior, that I was "important." Around that time, I chose to participate in a gathering of women that offered art and fellowship. I chose a bright color for my poster-board canvas. I chose rainbow bright stickers, and snuck in some of private significance. And I plastered the word "important" across the work, using rainbow-bright individual letter stickers.
Tears for loss of place that was often so nebulous, but still assuredly there. Tears for loss of loved one who still loves. Tears for an ending which has so many acrimonious parts (not on His part, on mine, on Hers), I can't see the future healing.
This morning, a clippings moment. Yeah, it's supposed to be moms who clip newspapers and magazine for their daughters, but I always kinda did that for my wife. Reading the Sayre parent handbook, noticing the date on the chicken pox vaccination law, and getting confused by memories. My first impression of memory was strong enough to get me to the laptop to tap out yet another un-answered email, that might or might not be pointy.
I remember clearly that it was too late for the flu shot one season. And now, it's coming into focus. She got her the chicken pox vaccine, but it was conversationally relevant around an outbreak of pox in the mom's group, because she was worried that it might have been given when Roo was still too young. So, no need for the email, as she was never waffling about whether to get her the shot, only waffling about whether to expose her to the live virus with a possibly les effective vaccine dose.
Eh. Melancholy leaves more quickly.
Annoying when the tears hit, though.
Needfully short snuggle time was SO GOOD. Warmth and love and contact, joined momentarily by love and lust and perky from afar. Yesterday I was indulgent of myself. Today I shall now get quickly to work to feel more virtuous when I carpe some of the diem.
still miss Him