Last Year's Resolutions, with comments
- Climb 20 flights of stairs a day, at least five days a week.
- Do 3 sets of 20 sit-ups a day, at least five days a week.
- Eat at least three servings of fruit a day.
- Eat at least three servings of vegetables a day.
- Eat at least three servings of dairy a day.
- Record diet and exercise in a daily log for review by Master.
- Do at least one hour of filing or cleaning a day, at least five days a week.
This started out as only filing, but Flar adding cleaning, and then said an hour on either one would be an acheivement in his eyes. The fact is, once I'm "caught up" in any area, I can stay caught up on multiple areas in just one hour. With this theory, I started my Caught Up Checklist. By now, I've Caught Up on:
- Kitchen and Dining Tables
- Updating Quicken with Bills and Receipts
If nothing else, this gives me a default list for each day, and I find myself much more likely to "do something" than "do nothing" in the mornings, which are my challenge. This year I plan to keep up with this list, and add to it.
- Email Mom once a day.
I started out doing this, but ran into some weeks when I was too busy, and then never got back in the habit. I was copying my daily journals, changing LJ nicks to names Mom knows, and removing poly/bdsm bits. Perhaps if I resolve to write once a week?
- See someone about my mood swings.
Okay, I have to admit that the bravest thing I did related to this was to write about it *at all* here in this journal. I borrowed a book from Spydie about bi-polar condition, and never took the time to read it -- returned it when she wanted it for JA to read. My OB/Gyn took me off of birth control pills due to a high blood pressure reading at my annual, and recommended vitamins and mineral supplements to take half the month, to help with mood swings. I decided to see what that did, and then I managed to survive one of the most stressful years I've had, in terms of family finances, and in coping with some interpersonal relationship changes. At one point, Master asked me to "see what it would involve" to get therapy, and I got out my medical insurance policy to look at it from that point of view.
I'm paying more attention to my moods and what feels "un-copeable" and what doesn't.
My mom had a literal breakdown before she sought medical treatment. She could no longer distinguish between reality and imaginaton, and what she describes is nothing I've ever experienced. I'm learning, as I pay more attention, the difference between "feelings" and "reactions" and finding that I have many states inside of me at once. I haven't been willing to "seek treatment" but I feel that I am taking more self-responsibility for my state. Perhaps part of this journey will involve outside help; we'll see as the year progresses.
I gave up early on climbing stairs or doing sit-ups. But I kept track of my steps. From that I have a sort of baseline, and I can set a goal for this year, of increasing my steps.
Master gave me a different journalling requirement, which I've mostly satisfied, and which we've refined over time. Since I started working, I've eaten a serving each of fruit and dairy each worknight. Perhaps by the end of the year, I can be up to three servings a day. This year, I'd like to make a more determined effort to cut down on "empty" calories and eat more healthy foods.
Which brings me to This Year's Goals
- Stay Caught Up
Keep up with the items on my Caught Up Checklist and add to the list.
- Eat More Healthfully
Keep up with my current level of eating fruits and dairy servings, and add to the servings and frequencies. Cut down on "empty calories".
- Get More Exercise
The steps are a good start, but I need to add either sit-ups or stair-climbing. I'd like to get this flabby tummy a bit more firm, as it's starting to really bother me.
- Email Mom Weekly
I write enough here in my journal that would interesting to Mom. At least once a week I should be able to turn the journal entries into an interesting, newsy letter to Mom. Heck, I might even put in pictures. She'd love that.
- Learn to Live with my Emotions
I have always been a person of passions and strong emotions, and I've spent my life flinging them at others, or making myself miserable when I try to bottle them up. I want to learn to live with the emotions that I have, and not feel miserable for having them. And step out of the mindset I've always had that my emotions should be any basis for actions, on my part or others. I think if I learn to separate the emotional from the logic that I can have both and not feel trapped by either.
- Redecorate the closet, or think about alternatives to storage
I've been having more and more frequent desires to be able to tell my Mom about all parts of my life. I've always imagined telling her after Dad passes away, and that's just so unrealistic. But then, I almost always end up talking myself out of any dramatic revelations. It would stir up so much, and for what purpose or good? So, for now I'm still thinking about all of this, and maybe the thinking will settle me back down, and make me more comfortable with things the way they are. Or, maybe there will come a time when it does seem right and good to share.