January 6th, 2006


light through dark matter

I cried tonight.

Tears of past hurts. Tears of future fears. Tears of appalling hopes that will never come to be. Tears of astonished ooh, what's good word for happiness that doesn't paint glee or bouncing but shy reaching out for acceptance of a miracle of small precious good?

I was told I was loved tonight. For many years longer than I thought I was, well, existant in that direction.

Mood bouncing around like, well, Deb.

yeah, i meant to type that. deal.

2 hours, 2 hours, 4 hours. that adds up to 8, but then i need to start another counting of broken pieces. catch up on monday?

i thought i was through sobbing broken hearted grieving but this was weird and old and over and didn't drag.

does a pill that takes 6 weeks to take affect wear off after a mere 12 hours late dose?

in answer to "so why are you here again?" I wrote

to beat my head repeated against the same walls until i break into little itty bitty pieces and just say "help me" only I think the prayer is supposed to be more specific so what the fuck good is break into itty bitty pieces again?

When I decided to zone out and read my friends list, I found this.
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  • Current Mood
bundled up, walkabout, snow

Proof that I was awake early on Wednesday

Label/Receipt Number: .....
Status: Acceptance

Your item was accepted at 8:50 am on January 04, 2006 in NICHOLASVILLE, KY 40356. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

But, alas, no delivery confirmation, so I suppose it will arrive tomorrow.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Happy Twelfth Night

I ended up with a two hour nap this morning, and I got to church while the rest of the group was still arriving, even though I left the house late. My Broccoli quiche was yummy, and there was another lo-carb choice - an egg/sausage casserole.

My Secret Santa recipient liked her scarf; my Secret Santa gave me a copy of her Healthy Crock Pot recipes book, a candle, and an It's a Wonderful Life Christmas Angel bell.

We also played a game of selecting, then trading around, other gifts that people had brought to get rid of. I ended up with a very pretty pair of earrings; I think everyone was happy with what they got.

I got a ride back to the dealership and ate lunch at Wendy's with my ride and two other women, on the way. I heart the Wendy's dollar menu.

My car was ready when I got to the dealership. When I got home, I had enough time to make three phone calls, before leaving to get Tigger. I withdrew spending money on the way home, and participated in thin crust pizzas for dinner tonight.

Happy Twelfth Night / Epiphany / The Day the Magi gave Jesus the first Christmas presents / Friday for whomever celebrates any!!

Now I'm going to curl up with the dogs and enjoy some TiVo/Reading/Wine before bed.

Flar is nursing a sore shoulder that might be dislocated. He went to see his chiropractor this morning, and took one of his nephrologist-prescribed pain relievers. Ordinary OTC analgesics are all pretty nasty for the kidneys, so instead Flar has a take-as-needed prescription for something that tends to make him loopy. He's drowsing to Christopher Moore, and I'm not cuddling him, so as to prevent incidental shoulder nudges.
  • Current Mood
    happy happy