August 6th, 2003

bundled up, walkabout, snow


Looks like a buffer got dumped.

Slow time waking this morning. Radio tried to inform me of the world in the short amounts of time it took for my hand to reach the snooze bar. Turned the damned thing off at 8, even though I didn't get out of bed. Listened to Flar shower. Thought about what to do today. Hid in bed.

Flar has meetings out today. Is working now on leaving the house.

Woke up enough to turn on the computer -- I took it to bed last night. Hey, I could be depressed AND online. Concept.

While starting up my computer, I took a look at my phone. Six messages? Two from me? Canuckgirl keeps referring to a drive? Figure the messages date back to Spring Break, and since then. During periods in which I've been out of signal range for text messaging, or Live Journal text messaging has been broken.

Nice to wake up to cheery messages, even if they aren't meant for me-now, but me-sometime-in-the-past.


Demariana is coming over. When she called on Monday morning, I wasn't exactly in tears, but close, and she's coming over today. Yesterday evening I figured I wouldn't even be needed cheer, as I seemed to be bubbly and laughing during bowling. Was thinking today would be a lark - a last opp to spend time together on a weekday, before she starts her new job.

Woke up depressed and less than cheery. But hey, I wasn't a bundle of entertainment when she called on Monday, so it's not like she didn't know what she'd be stepping into.

Except, it's not like I can EXPLAIN being down. I just AM.

Oh, there's external stuff. Most of it there all the time, so whyam I so down about it now?

maybe it's just hormones.

I even remembered the damn vitamin supplements this time.

But hey, I made it 25 whole days in THIS cycle. That's practically a complete cycle.


I got a postcard about some system called Essure? I threw it away, don't remember the spelling. From what I could tell, it was a way of inserting some sort of implant into still-open falopian tubes, for sterilization.

I'm with my mom on this one. What exactly is the point of *mere* sterilization, when the annoyance is the blood and emotional rollercoaster?

I've heard there's a "new" indication (the fancy drug-insert word for "why you doctor would prescribe this") for one of the depression drugs. They consider PMS, or some slightly modified way of referring to the same damn thing, different somehow from depression? And, still prescribe the pill once a day, not just leading up to the period?

But, I'm told it's been repackaged and is purple, if you get the "for PMS" version of it. And, hey, that the pharmaceutical company thinks woman are more willing to admit to PMS than to depression.

Give me a break. I admit to both, but still have this insane idea that it's my own personal responsibility to Just Cope Dammit. After all, I may be depressed, but I still get out of bed, don't I? Okay, so not yet today. Point.

  • Demariana coming for a visit.
  • Thinking of sorting laundry and starting a load of delicates so I don't have to wait on the boys being awake to start a "complete" load. Thinking, hey I can still do laundry without feeling overwhelmed. Go me.
  • Thinking of doing handwash, while they still almost fit in the dish pan reserved for such. Then I could do my nails, secure in the knowledge that it'll be days before I get them into hot enough water to lift the polish.
  • Thinking I *have* to finish up the prize distribution for bowling, and fax that to the secretary.
  • Thinking about modifying the guest list for Tigger's sleepover to include boys from his new class, but then remembering that's his call. Thinking about getting the invitations out soon.
  • Thinking about having ignored Rookettes all summer; need to pull that out and polish it up now.
  • Thinking about how many different ways I can avoid bills and feel all "well it was necessary, too"
  • Thinking about how much avoiding bills probably contributed to my feeling so good yesterday evening
  • Wondering what important thing I've forgotten


Knight came over early, and stuck with me practically all day. Endured the boys helping me make out menu and grocery lists for the week -- all that talk of food while he's dieting. Such a saint.

Tried to find the new office for my allergist. They don't seem to be in the new location yet - I should have called ahead. Will have to call today.

Sam's trip was stocking up on staples (water, hamburger, chicken, etc) and junk food (bagel bites, pizza rolls, etc) and finding out the disturbing news that the Discover card is just about tapped out. I informed the boys that this would be the last junk food run for a long time.

Kroger was partial trip -- I put off all the soda purchases until tonight after work, so as to speed up the unloading/putting away process. Hey, at least the Kroger trip was a smallish one, in terms of expenditure.

Haven't heard from my eye doctor. Should call to check on my new glasses.

Bowled. 177, then two under-average games. We took 1 point, but so did the team a half point ahead of us, so we finished in the bottom. From first to the cellar in one season, go us. Stuck around long enough to get full results, so I could re-calculate prize distribution, and send it to the secretary.

Oh, before bowling, I got Critter to hold my hand (which he did literally once, just to impress the metaphor on me) while I hotsynced, updated my Palm desktop, hotsynced and hotsynced, to get my old data into my new (hand-me-down from Critter) PDA. A Visor Edge. A newer obsolete technology, half again faster than my original obsolete technology. Tigger asked who would get my old one. He's got one the same as mine, but for color. I only want the old one for access to my old keyboard, which doesn't connect to the new one, so I might install Documents to Go on his and swap them out. Dunno. Whatever.

The Edge is fast enough for using a relatively biggish spreadsheet not to be a pain from recalculation.

No phone call with Wolf last night - chat with Wolf and Sydb instead.

Still bath though. And Flar decided to entertain me, since I told him I wouldn't be on the phone during it. He talked mostly about Gaucha and his dream of a beach house in Brazil. Some about how Erosul is doing -- just got a biggish contract that may turn into a continuing income stream.

Must get out of bed.
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    blah, icky, down, variable, depressed
bundled up, walkabout, snow

today, i sucked eggs

I was going to say the day sucked, and realized that would be unfair to Denise. Who came over and was all companionable to this warmed over lump of blah who fixed herself breakfast and stared at the papers.

Today I've: caught up on the papers (exc. today), done all the puzzles (up through a few clues in today's crossword), and nothing else.

And now it's time to read with Timothy and get ready for work.

Oh, Flar checked the traps in the pantry. No signs of dead mouse - it's probably under the floor. Sigh.

I feel empty, hollow, lazy, and all around stupid.

Augh, didn't do the bowling thing. Grr. Will hotsync, finalize updates, THEN call Tigger down for reading. Think shower will be a powder today.
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