May 11th, 2003

bundled up, walkabout, snow

Mother's Day

Flar has always stood by "you're not *my* mother" and mostly my mother's day treat has been to have the day by myself for a bubble-bath, while he and the boys are over at his mother's house, planting flowers.

This year, he's over at his father's house, planting flowers.

I'm in Louisville, still. Not exact time planned for coming home, but most probably after breakfast is over. It's late enough now that I should be able to avoid the thunderstorms predicted for Lexington this morning. We'll see.

I'm a mother. I don't really have a history/habit of particularly enjoying Mother's Day.

I'm a daughter. I made a pin for my mom, and got Ro to make a card to pin it on, to send to her. She called me yesterday, to tell me she got it, and to express concern for Flar, the first Mother's Day since his mother died. She told me about forgetting to send anything to her own mother, the year after her mother-in-law had passed away.

Flar doesn't come to me with his grief. He seems to divert into concern for his father, and how he is dealing with his grief. Thus the flowers. Probably grieving as much as comforting his father, really.

I don't think I'll ever really feel like this is my holiday.
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bundled up, walkabout, snow

A very intense weekend

I came here very messed up. Very unbalanced. And on top of that, tired. I spent the week getting about six hours of sleep a night, and only got five hours onThursday night. So I arrived exhausted, needy and disjoint.

It took a lot a work to pull me back together. I was a slug while Roo was still awake Friday night. Mostly just watching what was happening, and clinging to Wolf like styrofoam peanuts fresh from mailorder.

We played a game while Sydb made Mother's Day cards. I won the first round, then Wolf soundly walloped me in the second.

After that, Sydb stayed up and gave us the bedroom for some before-bedtime time alone together.

Saturday, Wolf and I went to the grocery for breakfast supplies. I made french toast, and Wolf made cheese eggs. After breakfast, Sydb took Roo away for the day.

It was very intense. Oh, wait, I said that already. He took me apart -- that part was easy, I was pretty fragmented already -- and put me back together again. Stronger, better, I think. See more confidence in places.

Sex is never so simple as a mere joining of bodies for us. And "mere sex" is certainly not what I needed so desperately. But, it's always a bonus, and with Wolf, is always very very good.

Perhaps it's inevitable to come down a little after, rather than sustain some sort of after-glow happy face.

Maybe it's because Mother's Day isn't really my day, and I guess I selfishly resent that.

Gonna get my stuff together and go soon.

At home, bubble-bath and then planning for the week. Maybe I'll even get Flar and the boys to take me out for Mother's Day.

Maybe not.
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    coming down
bundled up, walkabout, snow

Mother's Day: an update

I got home from Louisville around 12:30pm. I brought two dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme, something I often do when coming home from Louisville.

When I got home, the jacuzzi top was cleared off (not an impressive feat -- I'd left only one basket of clothes on it: Flar's), and there was a small pile of presents. Flar took the boys shopping yesterday. They got me Opium shower gel, and a matching mirrored tray and frame, where the sides of the frame and the sides of the tray have pressed flowers and leaves in them. I think this week I shall rearrange the space by my sink, to see if I can fit the tray there, and make the space prettier.

We talked about whether to go to a Mother's Day brunch, and I decided I'd rather somewhere more casual. So, we're doing dinner out, rather than fancy brunch. Flar called Lexington Hot Moon to find out what was up there: free dessert for Mom's, and open until 10pm.

That left my afternoon free for a bubblebath and a nap, while Flar took the boys to Bébé's to plant flowers. Before they left, Critter cooked Bagel Bites for me to munch on in the bathtub. I used the shower gel for bubbles, so now the bathroom (and I) smell of Opium. I stopped using scented products when Cinder was around, because of her allergies. I miss the good-smellem, I think.

Critter also got out the CD player, and I've made it work. The corrosion around the battery connections was minor, and it works just fine. It fits in my cooler o music, and there's an outside pocket in which to put the earbuds. So I'm set for music until I can buy an MP3 player. Critter did research on what supports Mac, and right now I'm considering a reconditioned iRock 530. 128Mb builtin and SmartMedia expansion up to 128Mb, for up to 4.5 hours of music when the expansion card is in place. I found a reconditioned one at iRock for $90, so that would be doable after my first paycheck.

Now we're heading out to Lexington Hot Moon for dinner.
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