April 20th, 2003

bundled up, walkabout, snow

Wearing out

Entropy reigns.

I had a wonderful visit with canuckgirl while she was here. I've more cooking to do today: Easter Sunday dinner, with Flar's dad invited (my idea, BTW).

So maybe I'm experiencing a little after-visit let-down. Or maybe I'm just wearing out.

For gosh sakes, I was crying the middle of the afternoon yesterday. Because I was lonely. I had this wonderful woman who flew all the way from Omaha to visit, and Wolf and Sydb who came all the way from Louisville, even with Sydb having a bad cold, and my family, which I'm reminded is more company than many ever get, and Ro being so nice.

But I was the only one in the kitchen at the time - I'm talking for all of 30 seconds, really, this hit fast. And I was in tears almost, before I could even muster up the courage to go into the next room again, and even then, I couldn't even directly ask "could someone keep me company?"

And then later, talking to Wolf on the phone, when I didn't even expect a phone call, and I should have been all happy, listening to his voice on the phone, and getting to chat. I just got sad again. He asked if I was okay, and I told him not really. And then he asked those awful words

What's Wrong?

A million and two things and nothing and how can it be that the most kind and caring words that could be hurt too much to bear? Why does it hurt to hear "what's wrong?" How could there be anything better to hear?

No answer is right. Not one thing that hurts is what's wrong. And I don't know isn't accurate either.

Maybe just me. I'm wrong. I'm not happy and that's a wrongness and I want to fix me, but I feel like I'm wearing out.

Work to do. Dishes are dirty again. Food to fix. Table to clean. If I vaccuum the dining room, will Flar ask me why I did it?
  • Current Mood
    sad
bundled up, walkabout, snow

Just do it?

Activity can be therapeutic. Flar has us all working. He decided that the living room is too doggy, so the boys cleaned it up really thoroughly, in terms of "picking up", and now Tigger is vacuuming the couch.

Critter stayed up all night last night, finishing the book he was reading, and just got through subsiding into a puddle of goo. He's tired, had to work, was fussing with his brother, so was being fassed at back by him, and by me, and then remembered all the homework he hasn't done yet. So I've got him napping. In my chair, because he wouldn't go upstairs.

I'm hoping sleep with help.

For me, working will help.

Washing dishes now.

The list:

    Collapse )
  • Flar took Tigger to his YABA bowling banquet
  • Hung out with canuckgirl & darkwolf69 & sydb42 & roina_arwen:
    • Boiled eggs and made Pasticchio while Canuckgirl kept me company
    • Played on the floor with Roo & Sydb & Wolf
    • Played Scrabble with Ro & Sydb & Canuckgirl while Wolf amused Roo
    • Made BLTs with optional cheese and choice bread & white creamy dressing product
    • Finished the scrabble game
    • Dyed Easter eggs
    • Played Chronology with Wolf & Sydb & Critter & Canuckgirl, and Flar when he joined us
    • Ate Pasticchio
    • Found a few things left behind by Wolf & Sydb
    • Chatted with Canuckgirl
    • Talked to Wolf on the phone before sleeping
  • Took Canuckgirl to the airport
  • Mixed up marinade for roast
  • with Flar, filled Easter baskets for the boys
  • Clean kitchen
  • Make Easter Bunny Cake
  • Set clocks
  • Bébé coming over for Easter dinner
  • Pick up Harry Potter DVD
  • Laundry:
    • Re-wash load in washer (sigh)
    • Fold and put away towels
    • Fold and put away my clothes
    • Fold Flar's clothes
  • Update Quicken:
    • Enter checks & deposits
    • Enter receipts
    • Post bills
    • Check with Flar about bills coming due
    • Print checks
  • Current Mood
    okay okay
bundled up, walkabout, snow

Waiting

... for the roast to cook. So I thought I'd write up all I've done to make me feel all productive.

The list:

    Collapse )
  • Flar took Tigger to his YABA bowling banquet
  • Hung out with canuckgirl & darkwolf69 & sydb42 & roina_arwen:
    • Boiled eggs and made Pasticchio while Canuckgirl kept me company
    • Played on the floor with Roo & Sydb & Wolf
    • Played Scrabble with Ro & Sydb & Canuckgirl while Wolf amused Roo
    • Made BLTs with optional cheese and choice bread & white creamy dressing product
    • Finished the scrabble game
    • Dyed Easter eggs
    • Played Chronology with Wolf & Sydb & Critter & Canuckgirl, and Flar when he joined us
    • Ate Pasticchio
    • Found a few things left behind by Wolf & Sydb
    • Chatted with Canuckgirl
    • Talked to Wolf on the phone before sleeping
  • Took Canuckgirl to the airport
  • Mixed up marinade for roast
  • with Flar, filled Easter baskets for the boys
  • Cleaned kitchen:
    • Took apart Jenn-Air
    • Cleaned Jenn-Air
    • Wiped down counters
    • Rinsed recycling
    • Washed dishes - but not all of them
  • Helped, variously, while the kids cleaned the family room
  • Played a couple of games of Scrabble with roina_arwen
    Got to play QUOINS on a triple word square; lost both games
  • Made Easter Bunny Cake
  • Bébé came over for Easter dinner
  • Fix Easter dinner:
    • Put Roast in the oven
    • Measured flour for gravy
    • Measured water, butter & milk and potato flakes for mashed potatoes
    • Put green beans in the toaster oven
    • Take Roast out of oven
    • Make Mashed Potatoes
    • Make Gravy
    • Make (microwave) Mac n Cheese
    • Get the kids to set the table
    • Serve
  • Stuff that will go onto next week's list:
    • Pick up Harry Potter DVD
    • Set clocks
    • Laundry:
      • Re-wash load in washer (sigh)
      • Fold and put away towels
      • Fold and put away my clothes
      • Fold Flar's clothes
    • Update Quicken:
      • Enter checks & deposits
      • Enter receipts
      • Post bills
      • Check with Flar about bills coming due
      • Print checks
  • Current Mood
    okay
bundled up, walkabout, snow

Evening all

It's been a long, but nice Easter Sunday.

Thinking of finishing my wine in the bubble bath with the Sunday paper & my book.

The list:

    Collapse )
  • Flar took Tigger to his YABA bowling banquet
  • Hung out with canuckgirl & darkwolf69 & sydb42 & roina_arwen:
    • Boiled eggs and made Pasticchio while Canuckgirl kept me company
    • Played on the floor with Roo & Sydb & Wolf
    • Played Scrabble with Ro & Sydb & Canuckgirl while Wolf amused Roo
    • Made BLTs with optional cheese and choice bread & white creamy dressing product
    • Finished the scrabble game
    • Dyed Easter eggs
    • Played Chronology with Wolf & Sydb & Critter & Canuckgirl, and Flar when he joined us
    • Ate Pasticchio
    • Found a few things left behind by Wolf & Sydb
    • Chatted with Canuckgirl
    • Talked to Wolf on the phone before sleeping
  • Took Canuckgirl to the airport
  • Mixed up marinade for roast
  • with Flar, filled Easter baskets for the boys
  • Cleaned kitchen:
    • Took apart Jenn-Air
    • Cleaned Jenn-Air
    • Wiped down counters
    • Rinsed recycling
    • Washed dishes - but not all of them
  • Helped, variously, while the kids cleaned the family room
  • Played a couple of games of Scrabble with roina_arwen
    Got to play QUOINS on a triple word square; lost both games
  • Made Easter Bunny Cake
  • Bébé came over for Easter dinner
  • Easter dinner:
    • Put Roast in the oven
    • Measured flour for gravy
    • Measured water, butter & milk and potato flakes for mashed potatoes
    • Put green beans in the toaster oven
    • Took Roast out of oven
    • Made Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, & Mac n Cheese
    • Got the kids to set the table
    • Had dinner
    • Played Chronology
      Bébé won -- he had the double advantage of age & position, after Critter
    • Had Easter bunny cake
    • Chatted with Bébé while putting up leftovers
    • B&ecute;bé hid the easter eggs; the boys hunted them; we watched
    • Thinking about a bubble-bath
  • Stuff that will go onto next week's list:
    • Pick up Harry Potter DVD
    • Set clocks
    • Laundry:
      • Re-wash load in washer (sigh)
      • Fold and put away towels
      • Fold and put away my clothes
      • Fold Flar's clothes
    • Update Quicken:
      • Enter checks & deposits
      • Enter receipts
      • Post bills
      • Check with Flar about bills coming due
      • Print checks
  • Current Mood
    tired tired