November 21st, 2002

bundled up, walkabout, snow

Feeling Down

Discouraged, disheartened, and just plain blah.

Yeah, I'm getting my car fixed, but that really means not having enough money to replace the car for at least another three months. Don't get me wrong, I like my car, but it gets kind of hard to come so close to replacing and then not, because of money.

I think I'm mostly down because of money. Flar's biggest client is (a) behind in paying his invoices and (b) not planning to extend the current contract, which I *think* is up in January. He just signed a contract which may turn out to be big in the long time, but is starting out small. He's got a client that's kind of old-reliable, but not big money. And he's got lots of little leads to try to track down. And there's that big deal that still has a chance of coming through.

I just get tired of being behind on paying bills because we don't have the moeny to pay them, and not knowing when the money will come in, and not seeing any break in the clouds. I get tired of that one big deal that never seems to come through. I get tired of juggling credit card bills and living on credit.

It's a time of year when I often feel perky and excited, thinking about some special suprise I have planned for someone. This year, I don't have any surprises planned, and I feel like we can't really afford to spend any money.

And then on top of thinking about that, because I was thinking about coming home and having to pay bills, I also somehow got onto the topic of thinking about Turnip, and how we haven't talked since the Friday that I was leaving for Jamaica, and how we don't really seem to even talk much anymore, and when we do, we don't have all that much to say, and well, I'm sad about it, but it's like it doesn't even hurt. Well, not exactly.

Just feeling down.
bundled up, walkabout, snow

Stuff from yesterday

I forgot to mention that Critter measures 5' 5.25" now. He may be taller than me by the end of the year.

We had cheese tortellini for dinner last night. It was okay, but not great. The biggest recommendation was ease in preparation, since the bulk of the evening was spent making Tigger's Wickiup for school.

They're studying native americans right now in second grade, and his project was to make a Wickie-up. The general instructions encouraged students to make as much use as possible of natural materials, and to include at least two extras in the project, which could be crafts, food, people, animals or scenery. Then the instructions for making a wickie-up used a plastic food containter (for instance cool whip) and construction paper. Instead, Tigger wanted to use sticks and bark and mud.

He did a lot of the work. He found the right sticks; he collected the bark and dirt for mud. But it took more than one pair of hands to hold the bent sticks in place while tying them together to make the frame. And considering the amount of mess we make the kitchen into with *me* handling the mud, I shudder to think what it would have looked like with Tigger handling that part. This morning he went to school with one very muddy wickie-up, decorated with a couple of woven-colored-paper rugs: only one piece of bark had fallen off before he left the house, but I wouldn't call the assemblage stable.

After the wickie-up was done, I asked Flar if I could take a bubble bath while he supervised the boys cleaning the kitchen. I mostly wanted a chance to soak the dirt out from under my fingernails, but since I was taking a bath, I decided to go ahead and take out my braids. A lot of hair came out with them, so it's just as well that I didn't wait any longer.

It took me forever. Flar decided to go to bed early and wake early, so I talked him into waking the boys this morning, and got to sleep in, after finally finishing with my bath by midnight.

I bowled really well today. 138, 120 and 157. We took all 4 points, so we'll see be in first place next week. No errands today, and the woman who bowled a 600 series the week I was gone didn't want to bother with filling out an awards form.

I ate lunch, read the comics, did the crosswords, read my email and live journal, and successfully put off thinking about finances until later tonight.

Time to get the boys.
bundled up, walkabout, snow

The rest of the day

Went by Bébé's house on the way home from school today, and sat and talked awhile. We settled what we're doing for Thanksgiving; the boys ate a Jeno's pizza apiece, and Critter mulched his front lawn for him. We plan on getting back there Saturday or Sunday for him to finish the job.

Flar had a dinner meeting tonight, and the boys opted for leftovers for dinner. I'd had leftover pizza for lunch, so I decided to fix myself a ham & cheese omelet. And one for Critter, as well. Tigger wants to learn to make them, but his first attempt at flipping one (mine) broke it, so now he understands he'll need much practice. I see a lot of broken omelets in my future.

Flar and I sat down and talked holiday schedules. He also got a check in today's mail, so I should have even more money to pay bills with on Monday.

I figured out a present to make for Flar, and one for Turnip. And I've an idea of something that Wolf would like. And, figuring out the present for Turnip got me out of my funk. I think. Waiting is.

Tomorrow I've a cake to make, so groceries to shop for, including the Thanksgiving supplies. And then chess club. Prolly make that cake after school.