Step one. Wait until I stop bleeding (for minimal interference by natural hormones) and just start pretending that I'm already happy. Hey, it's worked in the past. And, I've lots of habits of happiness. Like having bright colored clothing to wear and using bright colored backgrounds (check out my friends' view for an idea, and then imagine a Netscape theme that coordinates with that) and surrounding myself with silliness and toys.
Okay, not really ready to break this into steps yet.
Going to try to pay more attention to the kids, especially to Tigger hugs.
Do other people's 13 year old boys think to ask their mother how she's feeling? Am I messing up by letting my moods be so transparent to my children?
Going to list out things to do, and give them priorities and give them times.
Going to let myself do the fun stuff first, hoping this will get me out of bed sooner.
Going to see if I can turn my moods around.
I forgot to mention something about making enchiladas on Thursday night. Once I got the hamburger cooking, Tigger took over stirring it, while I worked on putting together the sauce. The recipe is simple, the spices are garlic, chili powder and cumin seed, which go in both the sauce and the meat. I measured out spices for each, and asked Tigger to stir in the ones that I put into the meat. He commented that he liked the way the chili powder smelled. He wanted to know what it was, and asked if we could put it into our hamburger helper when we make it. I thought that was kind of neat. Tigger is starting to think about what smells good and coming with his own ideas for cooking. :)
Slept in absurdly late this morning, even though, as usual, there are incredible amounts of anything I could choose to do around the house. Sorting and folding clean laundry, cleaning the kitchen work area, washing dishes, organizing/cleaning the kitchen table, sorting mail/organizing bills (the term I use with processing bills, when there is a shortage of actual money to throw at them), reading email & LJ, writing, reading, ah. Found something I could do, and still hide from the world. Read in bed, until i remembered that my glasses were ready to pick up before noon today.
Flar had some errands out, and has been wanting to take me to see American Wedding. So we piled into the car. I picked up my granny glasses. (They're smaller frames, which Flar - but neither Critter nor Tigger - thinks look like old lady frames. And, they're progressive lenses. Optician-speak for bifocals without lines.) They are, by the way, Harley Davidson frames. Apologies to Cinder.
American Wedding was a really really good movie. I immensely enjoyed it. It was a lot more restrained than the first two, in terms of instances of crude humour, or intensity of crudeness, and it was just a really nice story. The boys have all grown up quite a bit since the first movie.
After the movie, we went downtown for Flar to drop off an invoice at Erosul's retail client in the Civic Center: Illusions, a shop that sells UK and Kentucky themed costume jewelry and accessories. While Flar talked to the woman, I checked out all the bright shiny objects. I picked out a bracelet that I thought Gaucha might like, and Flar got that and another the same, for the lady who does most of the sewing. I also decided that I liked the small "taxi wallets" so much I wanted to have one, and we've agreed that Flar can use it when he's traveling - when he likes to use a smaller wallet than normal.
We stopped by CVS on the way home to pick up medicine for Flar, and then I taught him the shortcut past Cinder's old apartment complex, which avoids at least four traffic signals, making up for the 10 mile reduction in speed limit.
While we were driving around, we talked about stuff. Flar seemed to like my idea of keeping my current van, even when we get to the point where we can buy a new one. We'd strip the insurance down to the minimum required liability, and it would be a training car for the boys. It would also continue to be my drive-around town car, but I would drive the new car on road trips (which includes driving to Louisville).
Mind you at this point, Flar may get a new car to tool around in, before I do. He's got a deal working where a client would pay the lease on a car. But eventually, we're going to get a custom van, and that will be my baby. Someday. Once you see me driving around in that, you'll know we aren't sweating for money any more.
Keeping the old van will remind me of how much it's seen me through.
And planning to keep it means delaying the new car longer, until we have more for down payment on a loan, but it also means not having to sell a car. I hate buying or selling cars.
We also talked about work stuff. It seems there is a possibility of a 90 day review at work, and Flar approved of my proposed note to Opman about that. We also talked about changing my work schedule as soon as school starts, so I have three nights at work and four nights home. We decided that if I set my working hours to 5-12:30, then I'll have the ability to work the same number of hours I'm working now. Assuming I don't take long dinner breaks or go home early, of course.
We also talked about what I'd like to do for my birthday, and he decided it was complicated enough that he asked me to write it all out for him. I've sent Kittybane and Starmaiden mail to see if I can rustle up babysitting, as it involves part of the time Flar will be in Brazil again.
When we got home, I read a chapter of Harry Potter to Tigger, while Flar and Critter fixed BLTs for lunch. I'm proud of Flood. She sat right next to me on the couch, obviously interested in the smell of my sandwich, but never once tried to steal a bite. She looked a little reproachful about my selfishness, and got up and found a dog bone on which to chew.
After eating and reading, I was a bit sleepy, so Tigger put out the lights for me and left me to nap with Flood. Once I'd gotten enough sleep for thoughts to intrude again, I got up to read email. That woke the dogs, so I put them out.
Which apparently signalled God to start the fireworks. We let the dogs back in after a really big thundercrack. They settle down much faster for couch time when I'm home, I'm told. I think Flood acts restless when I'm not home, because she's looking for me. There was much sound and fury, but it never appeared to rain. Odd.
I've read email, but not list mail, Sydb's LJ, but not the rest of my friends list, and now have written in my journal.
While I divide my attention by continuing to read LJ, then list mail, we are all four of us (*gasp* including Flar!) playing Monopoly. Flar has the most money, and Critter has the most property. I've spent the most time in jail, so far.