Doodle Bug (minikin) wrote,
Doodle Bug

  • Mood:

Wearing out

Entropy reigns.

I had a wonderful visit with canuckgirl while she was here. I've more cooking to do today: Easter Sunday dinner, with Flar's dad invited (my idea, BTW).

So maybe I'm experiencing a little after-visit let-down. Or maybe I'm just wearing out.

For gosh sakes, I was crying the middle of the afternoon yesterday. Because I was lonely. I had this wonderful woman who flew all the way from Omaha to visit, and Wolf and Sydb who came all the way from Louisville, even with Sydb having a bad cold, and my family, which I'm reminded is more company than many ever get, and Ro being so nice.

But I was the only one in the kitchen at the time - I'm talking for all of 30 seconds, really, this hit fast. And I was in tears almost, before I could even muster up the courage to go into the next room again, and even then, I couldn't even directly ask "could someone keep me company?"

And then later, talking to Wolf on the phone, when I didn't even expect a phone call, and I should have been all happy, listening to his voice on the phone, and getting to chat. I just got sad again. He asked if I was okay, and I told him not really. And then he asked those awful words

What's Wrong?

A million and two things and nothing and how can it be that the most kind and caring words that could be hurt too much to bear? Why does it hurt to hear "what's wrong?" How could there be anything better to hear?

No answer is right. Not one thing that hurts is what's wrong. And I don't know isn't accurate either.

Maybe just me. I'm wrong. I'm not happy and that's a wrongness and I want to fix me, but I feel like I'm wearing out.

Work to do. Dishes are dirty again. Food to fix. Table to clean. If I vaccuum the dining room, will Flar ask me why I did it?

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