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minikin

Minikin's Journal

Routine Ramblings of an Occasionally Interesting Housewife


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Pain
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minikin
10:59 pm

124 hours 5 minutes elapsed

4:02, 7:02, 7:30, 5:52, 4:48, 6:45, 4:10, 4:05, 5:34, 10:33, 7:12, 6:56, 5:18, 7:09, 8:21, 2:55, 3:12, 4:12, 4:09, 14:11 intervals.

14 hours 11 minutes. Too late to take a split dose; the ankle isn’t what hurts now anyway. Too late for the nausea — it won’t hurt to empty the waste bin before bed, though. Too late for water, but sips are in order. Late enough to try Excedrin. Protein & caffeine will help in the morning. Sleep would help. Maybe chocolate. One kiss.

Kisses on the forehead felt good. Quiet feels best, too late for dark. Too late for keys. Little pulsating backlit crystals of piercing pain. Good old-fashioned black on white, blue lines.

The journal is titled “Tears” and for years it’s lain empty. The truth is that when it’s really bad, the tears make focusing on pen and paper impossible. Even double spaced, grade school printing is beyond me.

Tears might help, but I’m already beyond the tears. The calm is there, in reach.

This is the last trial of the break that happened 111 days ago. Did I need the pain meds for this last surgery? Don’t know. Definitely not this long.

11:05 pm 14:17

Enough time invested now to stick to Aleve. After the Excedrin gets rid of the migraine. Until I’ve got my head back, it’s no alcohol, no opiates - okay none period unless I’m in “real” pain again, and opiates are never on tap for the migraines. Nothing to mess with the confused transmitters up there. Settle them down. Find calm.

Keep Calm PosterThere’s a certain zen place, a calm place, where pain is just another input. Square breathing. In. Out. Focused thoughts. The pain is there. Let it spread, attenuate, dissipate. Don’t let it pinpoint. Tense. Relax. Let the pain flow. Ebb. The release, the explosion that comes from focus and tension and building, that isn’t mine anymore. Pain is.

Keep calm and let the pain go. Flow, slow, oh. Let it wash away.

And bonus, journaling the sensation moderates it. Journaling about pain makes it an object to study rather than a torture to endure. Other sensations, emotions cause tears. I can explore these here as well.

This has been an entry for The Real LJ Idol writing competition: the Final Season, Topic 9 : Keep Calm and End This Meme.

Author’s note: 23 hours 21 minutes. The pain is gone, the walker is parked in the bedroom, and now there remains only the challenge of walking and laying the last bizarre dream to rest. Situation normal, brain holding steady.

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I can't tell if this is *only* a creative writng exercise, or if this is also what's going on for you right now. If it is, my deepest sympathies.

Nope not creative, but perhaps progress. I rather thought of this as an upbeat post, appropriate more for cheers than sympathy. I started it last night when I realized there was very little difference between the dazed by the meds of the day before, and the dazed by the pain of migraine.

I'm pleased that I was able to beat the headache. I'm pleased that I was able to sleep, although it took some very conscious breathing and targeted relaxation. I pleased that I'm done with pain meds less than a week after the second surgery. Well technically third, but I didn't take much at all after the hysterectomy.

I'm more wistful than sad about leaving behind the days when pain was a toy. I kinda stressed out my endorphin system to the max, and it's more of a goal to settle it down these days.

*Desires to get my thumbs into your neck* -- in a therapeutic way; I think I've done that with you before. Regrettably, logistics prohibit.

The times at the top are sort of odd because I can't tell if they are supposed to be AM and PM or different times on different days since they seem out of order sometimes, but I'm glad that the pain eased up and that writing about it helped. Your voice - which tends to be very stream of consciousness - definitely comes through and I like the little poster gif too.

The times are intervals. It's a term used in racing to refer to intervals between events, for instances lap times. As such they are simply times, not times of day. They represent the reality generated by the instruction 4-6 hours.

Ah - that makes more sense - thanks! :)

Ahhh...I wondered about that, too! The voice here is really nice - you make the physical and emotional experience of pain very clear and moving. It might be worth clarifying the intervals just a bit, since it's the very beginning? The list of intervals is an effective format, and it might have even more impact if we knew just a little bit more about it going in. Nice job, and I love that the author's note continues the piece like an epilogue!

Thank you. I wrote out the entry longhand which helped me calm enough to sleep. I was surprised at how little editing it needed upon keying it in the next morning.

Pain and Migraines?! Now see, that is just asking too much of a person. hugs

I liked the stream of consciousness of this. It worked well.

Thank you. fortunately i am usually able to avoid the triggers for migraines. It's just been a rough week though.

Sorry all these is going on.

I can't take Aleve. I get that rare side effect of insomnia if I take it. It kept me up for two days when I took it.

oh that's awful, I'm to the point now where the only pain i have in my ankle doesn't bother me until the end of the day when I trying to sleep. I couldn't take it if pain relief meant not sleeping.

Last night Flar fed me chocolate covered ice cream on a stick and iced my ankle. Tonight Knight spotted me in the bath and Ro fed me comfort food. Feeling better inside but the stupid ankle is making sleep hard to find.

Well, my back basically always hurts unless I find a good way to sit. I can stand for a little bit, but my back will hurt unless I can somehow push myself up so there isn't so much pressure on my back.

However, I had a headache and a friend had Aleve, but not aspirin. I took the Aleve for the first time and then found myself awake for two days, no matter how much I tried to get to sleep.

*hugs*..hoping for things to turn better..feels good to read the note..Take care.

I was confused about the time at the beginning. I still didnt get it for the fact that I am assuming this an essay on events within a 24 hour frame. Barring my confusion at the beginning ( that could be totally me ) I thought this was well written. And yes I loved the authors note that helped me come to conclusion of the 24 hour time frame.

The migraine set in somewhere around 9 hours after my last dose of pain meds. The intervals are actually all the intervals between pain meds during the total 124 hours and change starting after my surgery to remove the screws and plate from my ankle, and ending the night I wrote the entry.

My ankle pain is almost back to where it was before the surgery, but my fatigue level is still up high, which lowers my tolerance, especially at night.

This is something I can very much relate to. Nicely done!

The stream of consciousness is very poetic in this piece. I did get the time intervals. Migraines suck. AW

Sorry to hear about the pain, wish I could help. On the plus side it has made me stop and take a moment to just be grateful that I am without physical pain. Sorry if that's a jerk thing to say.

I will be so grateful when my ankle is healed.

Glad things seem to be improving.

"Journaling about pain makes it an object to study rather than a torture to endure."

Very interesting perspective! I hadn't thought about it that way before...

It's why journaling helps me so much. It helps me be at one remove from whatever is bothering me.

I am sorry you are/were(?) experiencing this kind of perpetual pain.

AT least there is an end in sight. At least to the ankle pain.

This entry hits home for me pretty hard - not because of myself, but because of the pain my mother is dealing with day in and day out. I haven't ever experienced that kind of chronic pain ever in my life, so I have no idea how she really feels, or what she really thinks. I like to think that some days she feels like you do in this post. Thank for you sharing.

I'm pleased if this helps you. Thank you for reading.

Oh ouch. Migraines. . . I'm sure everyone's mileage is different, but you did a nice job of conveying an experience similar to mine here. It made me feel lucky that they are relatively rare for me.

Wanting to reach into the computer to sweep the pain away.

Aww. Cute furry icons help. :)

Oof! Hopefully, the pain has subsided.

Yes, the headache is gone. The ankle pain is back to background. I don't notice it until I realize it's drained me faster than there being no pain.

There’s a certain zen place, a calm place, where pain is just another input.

Yes, I know what you mean.

*hugs* I'm glad it's gone now. :)

I had never thought that just not fighting the pain might actually help-- but I can see why it might, especially for a migraine. Your personal poster there all makes sense now.

And how you must live in fear of when these things strike. :(

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